


I Will Take Good Care Of You

by galapogos



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I hope you enjoy it, M/M, brief description of sexual assault, this is a self-indulgent mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-24 04:49:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13206327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galapogos/pseuds/galapogos
Summary: On a night out with the boy squad, Isak has a horrible experience. All Even wants to do is take care of him.





	I Will Take Good Care Of You

I Will Take Good Care Of You

„You’re coming out with us tonight and that’s that”, Jonas said in a matter-of-fact tone and waved Isak’s protests away with one hand. “Even will be fine without you for one night. In fact, he practically begged us to get you out of the house. He says you need to have some fun for once.”   
“And what could be more fun than hitting the clubs with your boys?”, asked Magnus and clapped Isak on the shoulder, hard.   
“Just be chill”, Mahdi added.   
Isak sighed and rolled his eyes.   
“I’m chill”, he said, his knee still jumping up and down from nerves. He didn’t like the idea of leaving Even alone while he was out partying. He had half-heartedly tried to convince his boyfriend to join them, but he knew that it was not the right time. Only a few weeks ago Even had hit the peak of his manic episode and he was still struggling through the valley of depression that followed. Even managed to shower regularly and eat at least one meal a day and according to Sonja, who had experienced Even depressed before, that was an accomplishment.   
“You’re good for him”, she had told him many times, until Isak felt guilty because no woman should be so kind to the boy who had stolen her boyfriend.   
Isak wanted to be good, that was the thing. He wanted to do the right thing for Even. And that most definitely did not include dragging his boyfriend to a club when he was still so fragile. And why shouldn’t Isak spend some time with his friends like in the old days? The days before Isak got caught up in the “Evak love bubble”, as Magnus liked to call it. Most importantly, Even wanted him to go, he had practically conspired with his friends to make it happen. And so eventually, Isak surrendered.  
“OK”, he said, causing his friends to erupt in cheers and slap his back as if they were trying to put out a fire.   
He shook off their arms and smiled. What was the worst that could happen? 

The worst happened at 2 in the morning, when the club was so overcrowded that Isak, trying to cross the dance floor to get to the bar, felt like he was trying to manoeuvre through a packed animal transport. The kind where the pigs trample each other and suffocate and arrive at the slaughter house already dead. While he was waiting for his beer he slammed the palm of his hand into his head to snap himself out of his gloomy thoughts. He hated this. A minute ago he had been so happy and now he was scared again. Lately he had been scared a lot.   
The bar was surrounded by a tight knot of people and after he made his order Isak got pushed back a couple of ranks. When the guy in front of him handed him a bottle and said   
“Here, I think that’s yours?”, Isak was grateful. He drained half of the bottle and when the guy offered him a cigarette, he took it and followed him outside, glad for a chance to get out of the club. It took half a cigarette and then the world shifted out of focus. He rubbed his eyes pointlessly and said   
“I should go back inside… I’m with my friends…” and then things went fuzzy for a bit. 

 

When his senses returned, he was in the backseat of a car with a man on top of him. For a few seconds, Isak’s sedated brain couldn’t make sense of what was going on. There was just pain and nausea and fear. And suddenly he was hit by the fact that there were two of the man’s fingers up his ass, and that the guy was wanking his own dick whilst hovering over him. Every once in a while, with no particular rhythm, the man let go of his dick and slapped Isak’s face.   
“You waking up now?”, he panted. “I really wanted you to be awake for this.”   
The man leaned back to shove his cock into him and that’s when Isak finally snapped out of it. Suddenly he could move again and he pushed the man away. He was breathing heavily as he threw himself against the door of the car, opened it and fell outside onto the pavement. Isak pulled his pants up, somehow got his legs back under himself and ran as fast as he could, not looking back until he was a few blocks away. He was breathing heavily, clutching a stitch in his side, but after a couple of seconds he started running again, oblivious to the pain. His whole body was numb. He reached a bus stop, with a group of young people standing around, laughing and waiting to go home. He zipped up his hoodie and searched for his keys and phone in his jeans pocket. They were still there, solid and real.   
Isak couldn’t feel anything. 

On the bus, he wrote a text to Jonas.   
sorry, had to go home. you guys have fun  

When he arrived at the flat, it was dark and quiet. Isak felt cold all over. He took off his shoes and snuck to the bathroom on his socked feet, trying his hardest not to make a sound. When he saw his face in the mirror, it looked strange to him, not like his face at all. He clutched the edges of the sink and took deep ragged breaths, trying to calm himself down. It didn’t work. He was freezing, shivering and clammy. He could still feel the man’s hands on him, it was as if every part of him that had been touched by the stranger’s hands had turned to ice. There was a bad taste in his mouth, like bitter ashes. He remembered then that the man had kissed him. Prized open his jaw and shoved his tongue down his throat. Suddenly he was on his knees in front of the toilet vomiting. He tried to be quiet, but he was powerless to stop making noise when he was gagging and choking on regurgitated beer. It felt like all his insides were pressing up against his throat, trying to escape through his mouth. At the end there would be nothing left inside him. Empty.

In the back of his mind he registered quiet footsteps coming down the hall and the bathroom door squeaking open. Isak tried to turn around to face the intruder, but in that moment another wave of nausea hit him.  
“Hey, babe… Drink too much?” Shit shit shit shit shit. It was Even. Why couldn’t it have been Linn? Or even Eskild? That guy normally woke up at the smallest sound. But why did it have to be Even?   
Isak felt a gentle hand on his back and it was like an electric shock surged through his body. He shook it off.   
“Don’t…”, the words came tumbling out without his consent “don’t touch me!”   
“Okay… Sorry. What’s going on?”, his boyfriend sounded worried now. Isak felt like crying. Everything had gone wrong.  
Isak managed to pull his head away from the toilet long enough to look at Even. He looked so worried, staring at him with those big blue eyes of his.   
“I’m fine”, he choked out and recoiled when Even reached out his hand to wipe the tears off his cheeks. “Just… fucking Tequila.” Even chuckled but the worried look did not leave his eyes.   
“Think you’re done for now?”, he motioned to the toilet and when Isak nodded meekly he reached up and flushed. Then Even got up off the floor and held out his hand to Isak.   
“Come to bed with me?” Isak didn’t take his boyfriend’s hand, instead he got up by himself and walked over to the sink to rinse out his mouth and wash his face. When he could no longer stall, he followed Even to their room. Before he entered, he took a deep breath and willed himself to relax. It was over. 

He toed off his shoes and curled up on the edge of the bed, trying to ignore Even, who was wide awake, staring at his back.   
“Everything alright?”, Even’s voice was small, tentative – and Isak felt horrible for making his boyfriend sound like that. Even was usually the opposite of small and tentative.  
Lying had become second nature to Isak over the last couple of years. And even though he had started to become a more honest person, a real person, the instinct to lie was still there. There were a thousand things he could say to make Even back off. So many reasons why Isak might be upset. But he found that it felt wrong to lie to Even. So wrong that it made the nausea rise back up in his throat.   
He could feel his breathing speeding up and his limbs turned ice cold again. Soon he was hyperventilating and fighting down the urge to vomit. Even had moved closer to him. He was talking, quietly, calmly and Isak couldn’t help but listen. Even’s voice was his favourite sound.   
“It’s alright. Try to breathe more slowly, okay? Slow and steady. Everything’s gonna be fine.”   
To his horror, Isak felt like crying again. Even’s kindness overwhelmed him.   
He did not feel like he deserved so much kindness.   
A paper bag was pressed to his lips and he breathed into it. Even was kneeling on the floor in front of the bed now. Isak moved his head and tried to speak; he felt like he needed to tell Even what happened, because everything was turning fuzzy and nothing felt real anymore and he felt like he was back in that car again. And it was not over at all.   
“Even…”, he said, trying desperately to slow his breathing down.   
“Shhh, don’t speak now. You need to chill, babe.” Even looked even more worried now, worried and sad. Isak hated himself more than he had in a long time.   
“I’m sorry”, he said. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”   
“Shut up”, Even said gently and pulled the blanket up to Isak’s shoulders. He rubbed Isak’s shoulder over the blanket and this time his touch didn’t jolt him. 

After a few more minutes Isak had calmed down enough to speak coherently.   
While he told Even what had happened, he kept his eyes fixed to the floor.   
The whole time, Even kept rubbing his back in slow hypnotic circles. When Isak had finished he felt dead tired all of a sudden. And so ashamed. He wanted Even to just say something, anything, because waiting for him to react was agonizing.  
“Hey…”, Even finally said, very calm and gentle, “Can you look at me?”  
Isak raised his head a tiny bit and opened his eyes to meet Even’s.  
“You don’t have to be ashamed. You know that, right? It’s not your fault.”   
“I… I was stupid, though.” Isak’s voice was shot from crying and puking.   
“How were you stupid?”, Even frowned slightly and began to play with Isak’s hair just like he did on normal nights, when they were talking about normal things.   
“Shouldn’t have taken the beer from him… shouldn’t have gone outside…”  
“I don’t think it’s stupid. You weren’t expecting this to happen. And even if you were stupid, it still doesn’t mean you deserved it. People are stupid all the time. It’s normal human behaviour. But nobody deserves to be hurt like that.” Isak felt the words wash over him but he couldn’t quite make sense of them.   
“I want to kill that guy. Slowly.” Even said and there was a cold edge to his voice that Isak had never noticed before. He nudged Even’s hand with his nose.  
“Me too”, he whispered. Even continued with his petting of Isak’s hair and attempted a smile. It didn’t quite work.   
“Are you okay, though? Physically, I mean?”, he asked and Isak nodded, so tired he couldn’t feel anything anymore. Not even shame.   
“Okay. Is it alright if I get back into bed? My knees are killing me.” His question was both an attempt to lighten the mood and a genuine question. If Isak was going to give any indication that it would make him uncomfortable to share the bed, Even would gladly sleep on the couch.   
But Isak just looked at him and said  
“…don’t have to ask.”   
And so Even climbed into bed on Isak’s other side and carefully shifted closer to him until they weren’t quite touching but Isak could feel the warmth of his body at his back. Almost instantly, Isak moved backwards to fit himself into the curve of Even’s body. He sighed when Even’s careful hands pulled up the blankets over them both. The same hands were pulling the hood up over his head, as if he had somehow sensed that Isak needed that extra layer of protection. 

For a few moments they were just breathing. Isak thought that he could feel Even kissing his head over the hood.   
“Baby?”, Even asked and Isak felt warm all over.   
“Hmmm?”  
“The… Hyperventilating and the throwing up… Was that from the drugs?”  
“No… Panic attack.” Isak buried his face in the pillow so his next words were barely audible. “Get them sometimes.”   
“Really? Since when?”  
“Since… forever.”   
“Yeah?” A kiss. “You could’ve told me, you know?”  
“Didn’t want you to worry.”  
Even snorted. “Yeah, because I never give you any reason to worry. I’m the most low-maintenance boyfriend ever.”   
Isak grumbled something inaudible.  
“What?”  
“It’s… It’s not a big deal. I can handle it.”   
Even wished he could see Isak’s face. His stupid, brave, stubborn face.   
“I know you can handle it. You handle everything. But you don’t have to handle it alone, yeah? Not anymore. I wanna take care of you, the same way you take care of me.”   
Isak didn’t say anything and for a moment Even thought that he had fallen asleep in the middle of this profound moment they were having. Then there was a little sniffling sound and finally a muffled   
“…kay.”   
Even hugged his boyfriend to his chest a little bit tighter to emphasize his point. Isak seemed to melt against him, trying to be as close as possible. He started crying silently again and Even just held him for a while.   
“I love you”, Isak said suddenly.   
“I love you too, baby. Is there anything you need? Anything I can get you?”   
Isak’s breathing was still a bit laboured, far away from the slow steady inhales and exhales of sleep.   
“Can you… kiss me? I mean, only if you want to – I can understand if…”   
Even stopped him from saying even more embarrassing things by turning Isak on his back and kissing him deeply. It felt normal. Isak liked normal. He gave a tired smile and bumped their noses together.   
“Thanks.”   
“Shut up”, Even mumbled into his neck.   
“Why are you being so rude tonight?”, Isak said, still smiling.  
“Because you keep putting yourself down. And I don’t like it.”   
Isak opened his mouth to apologize but Even kissed him again before he could make another sound.   
He squirmed a little bit, suddenly very much aware of Even’s body on top of him. Even noticed almost instantly and raised himself up on his arms.   
“Is this okay?”, he asked.  
Isak took a couple of deep breaths. He tried to focus on Even’s face, his eyes, the freckles on his chest, the smell of him, the realness of him.   
He hooked his arm over Even’s neck and pulled him back down for another kiss.   
“Shut up”, he whispered in his ear. 

It was a long time before one of them spoke again. Their faces were close enough so that they could feel each other’s warm breath. Even was still playing with Isak’s hair.   
“Would you… take a shower with me?”, he asked.   
Even hesitated.   
“I just… feel disgusting. Need to get clean. And I don’t want to be alone.”  
“Yeah, sure. Of course. We can do that.”   
“Sorry for being so clingy. I can shower alone, it’s fine.”   
Isak was backtracking so quickly, it made Even dizzy. He found one of Isak’s hands and squeezed it reassuringly.   
“Shut up.” 

In another universe, where Isak had a nice uneventful night at the club, and came home drunk and giggly to drag Even into the shower with him, this could have been a very sexy experience. In this particular universe it wasn’t sexy. Not really. They had seen each other naked many times, but Isak seemed embarrassed, staring at the tiles on the floor and refusing to meet Even’s eyes. He felt embarrassed by his nakedness, Even realized. Isak was trying to hide from him, but without his clothes, there was nowhere to hide anymore.   
It was maddening, because he looked as gorgeous as he always did, all delicate bones and lean muscle and perfect milky skin. But Even decided that this was not the right time to remind his boyfriend how much he adored his body. So he just checked the temperature of the water and stepped into the shower when he found it sufficiently hot.   
He held out his hand.   
“Come on”, he said. “Don’t stress.”   
Isak took his hand and stood for a long moment under the warm spray, letting the water run over his head and chest and back. His eyes were closed.   
Even imagined the water washing away all the dirt and grime and ugliness of the night, he visualised a dark substance disappearing down the drain.   
Isak took the shower gel in his hand and stood motionless for a second, clutching it to his chest as if he had forgotten what to do with it.   
“Can you…”, he started and then hesitated.   
“Yeah?”, Even asked to make sure. Isak nodded. 

With every touch of his hands, Even seemed to put Isak back together. His hands were magic, soothing his anxiety until his skin felt like his own again, no longer itching with the remembered touch of a stranger. He leaned back against Even’s chest while the other boy washed his hair slowly and carefully. Then Even turned the shower back on and Isak just stood there in his arms, letting the water beat down on his closed eyelids. He felt clean again.


End file.
